Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Take a Picture; It’ll Last Longer


“psst! psst! Over here! Quick—get under the ‘net….There….Glad ya came….Isn’t this a perfect evening? Gloomy, the clouds covering the stars—a miasma is in the air. I love that word, ‘miasma’—it sounds so dark and mysterious. Exactly what we are looking for. They hate sun and brightness and happiness, so it repels them…but this—THIS is the perfect weather. I am feeling really lucky tonight.

“Tonight we may be able to get a face. At best all we have managed is a tip of a tail, and what might be a claw—I’ve even seen a blurry shot of a hoof!...[sigh]…but to get a face would be GREAT…a full-on demon face: How cool is THAT?!

“This? I am using a Canon Rebel. Kinda catchy—right? ‘Canon’ as in the Bible; all spiritual and stuff, but ‘Rebel’ as in bad-guy, the one riding a motorcycle with the rolled-up sleeves and tattoos. I like the symbolism of the mixture of the Spiritual with the nonconformist image; it somehow seems fitting to take a picture of the Bad Boys of Heaven with a ‘Canon Rebel.’…Get it? Really, though, you could use about any equip--…quiet! Here he comes…


“Him? Weellll…I guess we could kinda call him bait…sorta. Don’t worry! He is in no danger. I only use Baptist Street Preachers. Those Baptists consider Demons to be safely contained in only the deepest, darkest Africa, or certain Satanic Rituals in Louisiana. He doesn’t think any demon will be coming for him—no sir! He doesn’t believe in any of that Charismatic barfing, or tossing out or any of it. Considers it all a sham. I pay him $50 to go up and down the street, accosting passer-bys.

“See, the way I figure it—nothing stirs up a demon more’n thinking they could lose a soul to torture for eternity. The problem with preaching in a church, is that those who are already going to heaven know it, so the demons don’t bother them, and those that aren’t are just as thoroughly convinced they are too, so the demons don’t bother them either. Waste of time for a demon to be in a church.

“And going to the strip clubs and gay bars? Really the same sort of thing, with the same sort of people. Those going to heaven won’t lose it by dipping in a little sin, and those not are already sinning their little hearts out. No…the place I guess a demon would be most worried is right here. What if someone stops and starts to chat? What if they are convicted?

“Sure, some demons are probably pestering some kid somewhere to steal or do drugs. Or are keeping a person from making it to church by stretching the football game in to overtime. But that is so hard to spot, ya know? If we have any chance of getting a picture we have to smoke ‘em out. shhhhhhh….


“Did you see that girl hesitate? I was hoping…What?...No; no special equipment. As I was saying, we have done intensive research in the subject. Abraham saw angels. Heard ‘em too. So did his wife and his mistress. Lot saw angels, watched ‘em eat, and even touched them! The Jews saw the Angel of the Lord leading them. David saw not only the Angel, but a sword, as well. Mary, Zechariah, all the Shepherds, even Balaam’s donkey could see Angels!

“And Jesus talks to demons, and other people could hear ‘em. Think about it! If Sony had only invented the tape recorder a bit earlier, we could actually hear a voice from the “other side”! We could hear what a demon sounds like. All a camera does is capture what our eyes see. If some Shepherd was carrying a camera-cell phone, he could have snapped some amazing pictures!

“Somehow these guys are able to cross the plane between ‘supernatural’ and ‘natural’ and while being ‘supernatural’ actually appear ‘natural.’ It doesn’t make a lotta sense to me; but the way I see it is this: The Bible says people could seem ‘em; and if you can see ‘em—you can take their picture!...Wait….quiet…quiet…


“Nuts! This guy is worthless! Not one single person has stopped for ‘im. I had one lady who was a REAL screamer. Boy did she draw the crowds! Unfortunately, I think she was pushing people away from Jesus. If any demon stopped by, he didn’t stick around for long, ‘cause maybe she was doing his job for him.

“Sorry about the heat. It gets warm under this camouflage net….Pretty good, huh?...Did you see where I glued some syringes on so it looks like a drug user has been here? No demon is going to bother with that—I can tell you! I once glued on a Playboy too, but people kept trying to pick it up. Oh, don’t worry—I had glued all the pages shut. Yeah—can’t think about that! Demons can smell one drop of sexual temptation over a mile away—did you know that? Saw it on “Mythbusters.”

“Those demons are pretty wily. If they saw me out there with a camera, they would never appear—far too smart to be caught. It’s why pictures of them are so rare. Back before digital cameras, they could possess the people doing the photo processing, and ‘conveniently’ lose the pictures. Ever take in your pictures and have them ‘messed up’ in the process? Some come out blurry? Or completely black? Demons.

“[Sigh] Sometimes I think about all those wonderful shots of demons…lost…….but anyway—what with all the digital cameras out there, and how many people there are, perhaps the demons are outnumbered. Maybe we have a better chance with newer technology…here he comes again…


“Useless!...Hey…uh…YOU don’t have any preaching skills, do ya? Want to earn a quick $20?...Oh…well, never mind then…Something to eat? I have stale granola here. Don’t worry—nothing sugary, salty, fatty (including Trans-fat) or tasty in any way. You won’t like it, and it is good for you. Again, those other foods only invite temptation, and we could give away our position.

“Hmm?...I’m not sure how they do it. Because they are spiritual, doors and walls are no bars for them. We could find them in the deepest, darkest cave, or in the depths of a prison, or in a locked closet. And they can almost see our thoughts. They have had years of studying humans, and know what will take us away from Christ. They have infiltrated our government at the highest levels, and have penetrated our televisions, educational systems, and entertainment.

“No, they are not as strong as God! They can only do what God let’s ‘em. God can be everywhere; they can only be in one place at a time. ‘Course there are so many of them, it can seem like they are everywhere. And because they are spiritual, they have more abilities than humans—like what I have been talking about. And they are far, far smarter. Plus they can possess you and make you physically move, talk and do things. They can control your mind. God doesn’t do any of that! They—


“Arggg! Missed it! Well, I didn’t see anything, did you?...Yeah, it would be so great to get a picture—the night seems so right for it, ya know?...Oh, I don’t know…I would certainly post it on-line, of course….or maybe I would sell it—some big Christian magazine. Christianity Today or New York Post--something like that. But mostly I would use it to show all those scoffers.

“Show them how wrong they were. Because of me, there would be no more atheists. No more agnostics. Think of how many people would come to Christ because of me and my picture! Then they would have to believe….wouldn’t that be great?

“Hey, I don’t appreciate your tone. No, I am NOT being ‘tempted’ to take this picture. There is no sin here—I am not doing this out of pride! I am doing this out of a sense of right and wrong. To show truth! There is nothing wrong with that. ‘Temptation’ is wanting to legalize homosexual marriage, or rob a bank, or teach evolution. It is what other people do—not me! If I WAS being tempted, demons could sniff it out, which means they would know, and not…show…up……they would know…


“Oh, Shut Up! You aren’t fooling anybody, you lousy huckster! You haven’t gotten one person to stop. No wonder no demons came tonight—you are completely ineffectual. Here is the perfect night shot to…well…shot, because you can’t do your job…NO, you are NOT getting your $50—I don’t care if you were depending on it for groceries for your family. You should have thought about your family when you were out there preaching (if that is what you want to call it) and tried harder. Get out of here!

“Hey…uh…it was kinda nice to have some company. Do you want to do this again?...Oh, no—I don’t have time to feed and clothe the poor. I can’t be wasting my God-given talent visiting the sick or elderly. I need to get this picture of a demon. This is the sort of proof God wants people to have.

“Another time, then…I hear there is a Christian Rock Festival in the next town…that is just the sort of place a demon might hang out…

Demon Picture
Demon Picture
Demon Picture

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