I have perpetuated a misunderstanding that is entirely my fault. Hopefully this blog entry will clear up any confusion.
It was pointed out elsewhere that many of my blogs have to do with Christians. And problems within the Christian community. Because of this focus it was felt (again I can see why) that the reason I deconverted was due to my disappointment with Christians, not so much with Christ.
To briefly reiterate my reasons for deconverting: within my profession we are often placed in situations where we are trying to determine the basic question “what happened?” among a variety of competing positions, statements, proofs and arguments. In order to do so, we developed a methodology whereby a neutral person (or persons) decides which arguments, based upon the facts presented, are more compelling.
We become proficient at determining which arguments will fly, and which will not to people who have no stake in the outcome. I became involved in discussions with non-believers, who provided arguments and facts I had not heard before, except by those who didn’t actually believe them. This opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities.
Over and over, as I applied the methodology I use in every other aspect of my life to the questions surrounding Christianity and theism, it was obvious that a neutral party would never find in favor of Christianity. Eventually I reached a point where it was becoming harder and harder to have faith in something I was convinced was not true; despite my desire to maintain my belief.
I could not force my mind to grasp something that at every turn, it questioned why I could believe that, when I knew no jury ever would. That if I was faced with defending Christianity on a legal front, I would be desperately attempting to settle my case, as no jury would find in my favor.
I deconverted from Christianity to atheism. I have written my story elsewhere. To continue to do so would be as boring as watching paint dry.
I debated on a few forums, and even wrote some blogs about arguments for/against God or an aspect of Christianity. Much of me feels this ground is well-trod. Are there new arguments? Yes. But they seem so few and far between, and we seem caught in this perpetual rut of debating the same things over and over. I actually sigh, now, every time I see, “All of the disciples were willing to die for their belief in a physically resurrected Jesus.” How many times can one blog on that?
And it does me no good to blog about what God should or should not be doing. There is no God. Many of us chuckle when we read “you are angry at god.” We have to believe it exists before we can be angry about ‘im, silly! It is similar to saying “You are angry at your College Chemistry Professor.” A resounding point…if I had chemistry in college. Since I did not—the entity “my Chemistry professor” does not exist. Therefore, it is quite hard to get very worked up about him or her.
And how many blogs can I write about what textbook my Chemistry professor should or should not have used? Since there is no such person—that can get a little dry.
Oh, I am quite certain and convinced that Christians exist. And while I may not have much say in what a non-existent God would do; I can hope that perhaps, just by writing a few words, I can have Christians pause and reflect for a moment as to how they appear to skeptics. Maybe even give a new thought or reflection to other theists, or agnostics or atheists or whomever.
I still think that blogs which provide arguments both for and against theism are important. I may still blog a few arguments myself. I most definitely think that blogs that argue for and against Christianity are important. I will absolutely blog regarding Biblical topics in the future.
What has currently drawn my attention, and hence my blogging topics, though, is less the actual arguments themselves, and more the people. How the arguments are presented. What believers perceive skeptics need to hear, what skeptics perceive believers are like.
How I see Christianity handling the upcoming crop of deconverts. (Not well.)
See, I am not writing blogs to have some Christian read, smack themselves on the head, and proclaim “In one reading I have gone from devout Christian to some other belief.” I think that deconversion is a personal journey. I am unaware of any person that was “argued” into deconverting. We search on our own; it is not discovered on a billboard.
I am writing blogs to hopefully make people think. Pause. Learn a bit. I envision most deconverts read my posts, nod their heads, and say, “Yep. Already knew that.” Perhaps a new insight on occasion. When I write to and about Christians, I hope they re-evaluate their presentation to the world.
To be honest, if more Christians actually practiced “Love your neighbor” my blogs could be shorter!
So if you think, because of my emphasis on how Christians act, that this had any part of my deconversion—I apologize. I do not mean to give that impression.
I emphasize on how Christians act because…well…that is how they act! Very very much like the humans that they are.